When your soulmate dies…

On March 3rd I got a phone call that has changed my life. I guy I had met and dated for most all of my teenage years passed away.  His family decided that I was not right for him somewhere along the way and hooked him up with my best friend at the time just to get rid of me. We kept in contact over the years and on 4 separate occasions over the last 40 years he had made attempts to get me to go back to his home some 300 miles from where I live. The timing just never seemed right. I also harbored some bit of mistrust in that I figured if he cheated on me once he would do it again and that cheat left a scar I now realize I never got over, and continues to be the driving force behind my life long mistrust of others, as well as my inability to ever open myself up to anyone else again.

I had responsibilities I couldn’t just walk away from each time, and looking back instead of being responsible and worrying about my family and his I should have just walked away and went. This regret and sorrow I will carry with me for the rest of my life now that he is gone. Looking back even through 2 other marriages he always had the flame of my heart.

Life sucks. Some spirit guru’s talk of how we live many lives, and keep coming back here. I can say for absolute certainty that I will never, never, ever do this gig again. How do I know this? Because although we can not take our bodies with us, our consciousness they say does travel with us. Mine is raging with hate and discontent at this existence, and that will go with me.

Anita Moorjani speaks of the “love” one experiences on the other side in her NDE. So much that all discontentment is lost there. I do not think there is enough  “love” anywhere in this world or the other that can take away the misery, pain and hurt I have experienced in this lifetime here. I just don’t. I can feel it in my core of being.

Godspeed my friend, until we meet again, and when we do…I will get it right next time.

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