The last few days have brought forth so intense soul searching. I think it is because its been so cold that I have run out of things to do outdoors that can be done in such weather and I have about cleaned the paint off the walls in the house which left me with down time.

I do not like down time because the anxiety and panic start to creep forward more so than when I keep busy. Decision making is difficult. I find myself wishy-washy on so many things. I decide one thing one day and the next it does not sound like such a good idea.

I have been a nurse for 27 years now. It has been the focus of my employment despite the other endeavors I have dipped my fingers into. I was very good at the job too and can go back into any facility and department I have ever worked at and they fondly remember my employment days there. Nurses I never worked with even know my name. I guess everything has a season. I have come to the conclusion that my season as a nurse is over. It has been nearly 10 years since I have been able to work in the field and I think it is time to let it go. I have had my day in the sun and it is setting quitely. It was quite a ride.

Going forward I will focus on my farm activities. It seems to keep me grounded, busy (most of the time year round) and external pressures are minimal. I can nap when I need to most of the time and there are no rigid schedules. Right now the pay is crappy though and if I can not figure out a way to come up with the property taxes money, well, I wonder if my cardboard box will have internet access. I am $160 short. It might as well be a million. Wish me luck.