Despite the humble beginnings of the farm I still need to find a work from home job…that pays. I am no different than anybody else, I have bills. I live in the northeast, 9 months out of the year my heating bill is $250.00 a month alone. I live in New York, my property taxes amount to a third of a middle class families yearly income. I also have to payoff the debt that my husband has accrued in my name, and this is a 6 figure challenge. I need this job to evict him from this household. It’s like a catch 22, I need him out to lower my expenses, but I can not afford to live without his income right now to keep the lights on.
This marriage has been a lesson burned into my soul. It has reinforced my lack of faith in people, my distrust in the opposite sex and my inclination to stay secluded. I am exhausted with putting out fires on myself from countlessly getting burned. And I am, quite frankly tired of praying for help and or guidence. I am believing that if it were coming, the universe has had 50 years to cough it up and has chosen to ignore me.
According to Anita Moorjani when we die we experience a love that we have never known and are made aware of people we have previously known. The first thing out of my mouth will be “take me to your leader” because I will be ripping a asshole into who ever is incharge of this mess we exist in. I have become angry and bitter, and there will be no question of it when I get there.
I am not naive enough to believe I am the only one with problems. To the contrary, many of us have found ourselves in messes we did not ask for, and in some instances in messes trying to do the right thing, or trying to help others. What is the lesson in that? Not to extend the helping hand to others? To ignore the needs of others? I am beginning to believe that this might be true. Perhaps everyone is sent here to be hung out to dry, and helping another out of a jam or challenge only prolongs the agony for everyone involved.
Anyway, on with the job hunt……