Current Events

About 3 weeks ago now I was folding the dog’s blanket and suffered sudden extreme arm fatigue while at the same time pain across my chest from interior mid arm to interior mid arm. “OMG! What is this?” my overactive, anxiety ridden brain screamed. “This is new!” it said. My reality brain said, “it’s just muscle spasms from being hunched over your computer for 8 hours a day for the last 4 days, and stretching out just got all these muscles excited”. Anxiety brain says, “But, what if……”. And so the cycle began.

As the sudden weakness in the arms and legs continued to occur over the last few weeks at times when I tried to use my arms my anxiety brain was in full drive. “What if the doctors missed something when they did the cardiac cath last March?, What if this is lung related? What if the loose bone in my neck from a previous neck fracture has moved and is pinching my spinal cord? What if this has something to do with my previous skull fracture?” Reality brain…becoming weak from the fight begins to get on board, “Well maybe….”

Anxiety brain has won again. By last Friday reality had all but gone out the window. Off to the ER that has previously sent me home to die a few times before with misdiagnoses I went. The first missed issue was a gallbladder problem, they sent me home 3 times telling me it was anxiety, I almost died. Took 8 surgeries to fix that over 6 months. the second time was when I had the pulmonary embolism. Sent me home 4 times telling me I had anxiety, only to learn I had a blood clot in my lung. How ironic I am forced to continue to interact with a group that have no idea what they are doing, and expected to get some comfort in their words of assurance that its just anxiety.

They overdosed me on medication that was supposed to help, and I spent 5 days in bed trying to recover from the effects of “Help”.  Out of that visit came some encouragement when the ER doc made some phone calls and made arrangements for me to see a real doctor in behavioral health rather than a social worker. Not that she is not helpful, but I think a few Xanax are in order to get my system calmed down and she is not licenced to help me in that department.

So I wait a week to see the MD.

….to be continued…..

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