One of the biggest reasons I will probably never end up actually putting my name at the top of this blog or inviting my family to know its existence is that as time goes on chances are that each and every one of my family members will eventually be a topic. Today will be one of those days. I just need the outlet, not the grief I would get. This is an example of how an HSP, always wanting to help, digs her own grave in the process.
Last night my husband tells me his son (my step son) wants him to go looking for a good used truck. This burns my ass. The story begins out west where he was living.
The boy’s situation was this: He and his brother and 2 roommates were renting a house. He was working part time doing odd jobs to pay his part of the bills. He was riding the bus to get to these jobs because he did not have a vehicle. He did not have a vehicle because he has several driving while intoxicated (DWI’s) under his belt. His step father and mother gave him a truck to drive, but since he was convicted in that state he had to have an interlock device on that vehicle. For no reason known to him he said his stepfather and Mother took the vehicle away which left him riding the bus. The boy is an alcoholic that for some strange reason I am the only one that sees.
Enter the money cow. I ended up with a little extra cash so I offered to loan him up to $5000 for a decent used vehicle or gift to him $500 so he could find one and make a down payment, the choice was his. Keep in mind his father and I were not yet married, and I had never met this kid. But I wanted to help (major fault of an HSP-always wanting to help). He took the loan. Got the truck.
He decides to come out East and stay. So I put him in the spare bedroom, fed him, paid for everything so he could concentrate on getting a job and a place of his own. Got the interlock device off his truck from the other state, got the DWI’s in other states straightened out so his licence was clear when he went to get it here.
His phone died so we bought him a new phone and paid the bill because it was in his father’s name, he was to take over the account, never did, never paid his bill, so I had to cough up the cash to settle the account and close it. In the meantime he needs a new transmission in the truck. I pay for it. Needs new front end, I pay for it. He takes up a hobby that I bought a shed for and paid for the electricity to support (a jump in my electric bill from about $100 a month to over $350)
I have invested nearly $20,000 in a kid who turns around and gets his girlfriend pregnant on purpose and lied about it, “so he can have a family”, and now that he has a family to care for can not pay me back for the truck. Now keep in mind I loaned it to him over 2 years ago and still haven’t gotten a dime.
So this morning as my husband is headed out the door to meet up with the boy I suggest that he get a used truck, take his money and use it as a down payment…and give us back the truck we bought and he never paid for. I suggested we fix what damage he has done, and sell it to recoup some of the lost funds. I got no answer.
So last week I bought another truck, for his father. Paid cash for half, will spend the next year working off the other half. As I sit and ponder how much this marriage has cost me in actual money as well as burned nerve endings I think that I would have been better off being and dying alone. But, hindsight is always a damn site better isn’t it. It’s all over but the crying now.
2/18 update. After talking with dealers evidently they will not agree to the same payment terms we have so he is going to keep the truck he has and fix it.