Today was “visit the therapist” day. First of all I do have a great therapist. She had stuck with me through the cancellations and petty excuses for those cancellations. There was snow on the road on our way there this morning, we ended up taking the 2 wheel drive. I think I was 4 shades of blue when I got into her office from holding my breath all the way there, which I might add is three-quarters of a hour away on a good day. I must have looked pretty bad because she just looked at me and asked what was going on. I explained my last 3 days and she just looked at me. I explained about the mammogram experience, the homework, the drive in on slippery roads…in the snow. The backing out of the trip yesterday. The issues my granddaughter is having and the stress my daughter is also under as she tried to go to school and work full time and be a full time Mom.
She thought I might need a little more centering time. A bit more practice on screening energy. A bucket with out a hole in the bottom she said fills and fills with no way to empty. You, she said have no hole in the bottom of you bucket. I liked that analogy.
So this evening when I go to bed I will work on punching a hole in my bucket and see how that works. I do think she is right in that I need to let go of stuff and treat each moment as a chance to restart. Despite what I do to keep busy my brain continues to have empty space that allows for thoughts to get stuck and bounce around like a tennis ball in a barrel. Distractions that force focus would be helpful and i do not think facebook games were high on her list of options.
So tomorrow will be a new day. Thank God I have no appointments or places I have to go other than to my brothers to feed the animals. I can deal with that. I will need to feed my HSP trait with some well needed rest and starve my anxiety as best I can.